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Identity Crisis

Posted by Taufik Thursday, January 3, 2013 17 comments

Few years back, when the time I realized that I do have something to share; I wanted to spread my ideas. I begin to write, a blog specifically, though not this blog to be precise since this is not my first attempt at blogging.

I wanted to express anything and everything that I think I should share with the world. Why? Simply because, I wanted a better tomorrow for everyone.

But the crisis came; I got so obsessed with hits. Back at that time, I spend quite amount of time and a lot of money to ensure my site would be visited by thousands of people overnight.

Suddenly I realized, I don’t need that thousands of follower, comments and traffic just be proud of it. I just wanted to make sure my ideas would reach to the people who need it the most.

That tiny issue had bugged me for weeks, which distract me from blogging. A month later, that blog became history.

Now, the very same crisis came, again. But with a new twist of awesomeness, with amounting commitment on my daily job, plus with my sort of community service related effort. I began to felt marginalized by my own work.

Now I felt that I am nothing next the others, I’ve seen a lot of “me” inside other blog. The “me” that I wanted to be, the thousands of followers, the endless comments flowing and the huge amount traffic. Again, right now I am deeply distracted.

And this is why I am writing this. This is some kind of letter (whatever) to myself telling that I should never be affected by those distraction crises. I have promised to myself that I should post this as an entry.

I should not be demotivated by others' achievements whether it is countable or even uncountable score. Let it be their followers, their income, their traffic and even their fame. The keyword is never let jealousy distract me, again.

It may sounds a little bit childish for some. But again, that would never distract me from writing this.

You (it’s me actually) are going to set straight what you want from this blog. You are not like them, all the fame and glory hunter. But fame does leverage your ideas.

You know what you are good at. So does about others, and how good they are at utilizing their skills that they are good at.

So you can just continue what you are doing right now, be that awesome jewel, that hidden gem. The one that will be found by those who seek. The one that will be praised by those bright minds. And unto you, will be granted their dearest appreciation.

And for your hearties intention to share, write and spread; only god knows it, more than anyone else in the world. The Almighty shall uncover your path of being what you really deserved to be.

Now, I have made it very clear to myself. How and why should I continue writing on this humble blog. None for credits. Absolute non-profit. It’s time to wake up from my very own nightmare that was wholly created by me.

I know each and every single step what will take in the future. Each particle of my ideas shall not be entangled with any distraction anymore. Well at least not this kind of distraction. The presumably destructive distraction.

This is me, and this is my way of solving my problem. I seek the solution by facing the problem. Deeply I dive, into me, the soul-hosted passion driven monstrous fluctuations.

This writings (or whatever it is) will end within just the next few words and I am going to make sure that last few words would be worth to read. This no joke, if you think it is, then you’ve just getting to know the other part of me.

Aku tak layak kerja kerajaan

Posted by Taufik Monday, December 24, 2012 180 comments

1. Bila orang dapat tahu aku behenti kerja kerajaan, spontan mereka tercengang macam nampak hantu. Terkelip-kelip biji mata, berkerut dahi, ada yang sampai batuk tersedak. Mungkin inilah penangan rasukan tahyul dan syirik kebergantungan rezeki pada sektor awam semata-mata.

2. Ramai juga yang skeptikal, menolak rezeki tak reti bersyukur katanya. Tak hargai jasa ibubapa, mendidik mengasuh dan hantar belajar ke serata alam.Tak kurang juga ada yang nak korek lubang bisnes, kononnya aku berhenti kerja sebab bisnes berjuta.

3. Aku berhenti sebab aku rasa aku tak layak untuk kerja dengan kerajaan. Aku rasa ramai lagi yang lebih layak dan lebih memerlukan kerja tu berbanding aku. Niat sedekah, relakan pergi, janji tuhan semat dalam hati.

4. Aku rasa tak layak kerana ada orang lain yang lebih layak dan memerlukan kerja ini. Orang ini adalah insan-insan yang akan memudharatkan diri sendiri, anak bini dan keluarga sekiranya mereka tak berjaya dapatkan pekerjaan dalam sektor awam.

5. Golongan ini mungkin berdepan risiko kebuluran atau dihambat keluar dari rumah sewa mereka kerana tak punyai punca pendapatan. Mereka juga berdepan dengan ancaman keruntuhan institusi rumahtangga di sebalik kecaman masyarakat kolot, maaf cakap Melayu khususnya.

6. Terdapat juga satu golongan yang lebih layak mendapat kerja ini, kerana apabila ketidakmampuan mereka untuk buat LOAN membuatkan mereka dipandang hina ahli keluarga yang lain serta masyarakat.

7. Situasi diskriminasi kewangan ini akan menjurus kepada “severe depression” yang sekiranya berlarutan akan menyebabkan berlakunya kes bunuh diri. Maka aku rela tempat aku diambil alih oleh mereka ini.

8. Ada pula satu golongan, andai mereka tak dapat kerja kerajaan, mereka akan cenderung mencelakakan takdir tuhan. Mereka tanpa segan silu mengungkit-ungkit ujian tuhan. Aku rasa mereka lebih berhak untuk dapatkan kerja ini.

9. Aku tak mampu mengikhlaskan diri untuk menyumbang harta dari punca pendapatan penjawat awam ke jalan yang diredhai tuhan.

10. Aku juga tak mampu bertekad memerangi kepentingan peribadi aku dalam bekerja demi menjaga kepentingan awam. Sepertimana orang lain yang lebih layak, mereka bekerja 10 kali lebih tekun dari aku.

11. Siang mereka dipenuhi dedikasi kerja tanpa henti. Malam pula mereka mengalirkan air mata memohon ampun kepada Allah agar diberkati gaji mereka.

12. Mereka gelisah dikatil camping memikirkan andai tersalah laku mereka menzalimi amanah yang diberikan rakyat. Maka aku relakan jawatan aku diganti oleh mereka.

13. Aku langsung tak layak untuk kerja ini jika dibandingkan dengan saudara kita yang setiap kali bonus tahunannya digunakan untuk menjamu anak yatim dan faqir miskin.

14. Mereka ini sentiasa berusaha mengelak dari membelanjakan pendapatan ke jalan yang sia-sia. Berlawan dengan aku yang ini yang nak sedekah seringgit dua pun rasa macam tapak tangan tertusuk duri.

15. Aku buat kesimpulan, aku rela berhenti untuk mendahulukan mereka-mereka yang lebih memerlukan ini.

16. Kini, walaupun bisnes aku dah hancur tunggang terbalik, kerja tak tentu arah siang malam. Tanpa jalan yang berliku dulu, aku tak akan berada di sini hari ini.

17. Aku doakan semua orang, tak kira kerja kerajaan ataupun kerja sendiri atau private company, semoga anda jumpa apa yang sebenarnya anda cari, selain dari duit. Siapalah aku.

Identity Crisis

Aku tak layak kerja kerajaan

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